GASLIGHTING

How do we place MANIPULATION and GASLIGHTING?

What is MANIPULATION?

This is an act of taking over someone in a clever or unscrupulous way.

What is GASLIGHTING?

This is a means of  psychologically MANIPULATING you into doubting your sanity.

In other words,we can define GASLIGHTING as an act of psychologically taking over someone in an unscrupulous way into doubting their sanity.

Now let's talk

Gaslighting in interpersonal relationships is often developed or built on an existing power.

Gaslighting in relationships is a situation where one person is so important to the other that they don't want to take chances of upsetting or loosing them.This can be found in a boss, friend,siblings and even parents.

Gaslighting in romantic relationships or marriages happens when there is an unequal power and the target has given the gaslighter power and often their respect.

And we would be looking at Gaslighting in romantic relationships and or marriages.

Before we read on and for better understanding,a quick check up on yourself.

Ask yourself these questions.

1.Are you too sensitive?

2. Check who/what you are before you are with your present partner.i.e, your lifestyle, interactions with people,self esteem etc.

3. Do you often feel confused and even crazy in the relationship/marriage?

4. Are you always apologizing?

5. Did you lost interest in what gives you Joy?

6. Your opinions have never been valid?

7. Your validation solely lies on your partner?

8. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behaviour?

9. You know something is wrong but you just don't know what?

10. You find yourself lying to avoid put downs and reality twists?

11. No one ever believes your own side of story or their mindset gets changed immediately they speak to your partner?

12. You have trouble making decisions singlehandedly?

13. You keep wondering if you are good enough?

14. You find yourself having the same conversation over and over again and can't seem to convince them to acknowledge your point of view?.

15. Do you find yourself second guessing who you are?

16. Do you get the blames as to why  they hurt you?

17. Do you get words like 'you ruined the plans I had for you' maybe because they got mad at you etc?

18. Are you financially drained?

19. Does your partner feel intimidated by your income, outspokenness,dress sense and looks?

20.Are you restricted from doing what you love but you are forced to do everything your partner loves without reciprocation?

If 70% of your answer is YES,then I'm sorry....You need to read this and probably get professional help.

If you scored below 70%,then maybe,just maybe,you might be too sensitive...but you need to keep checking,you might be gaslighted but not known to you yet.....

Being in such a relationship or marriage can be emotionally exhausting. Undermining a partner's emotions and feelings is a way of denying them their reality. Continuous invalidity of how the other partner feels about a situation is just as effective as saying their perception is wrong.

It is an emotionally chopping away of one's dignity and self esteem.

This act has an effect of convincing the other person that they could be imagining or making up scenarios that don't exist.

A gaslighter belittles and doesn't grasp the concept of feelings of his/her partner.

A gaslighter can be said to be a NARCISSIST. A narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.They think the world revolves around them. They are most times self centered and short on empathy,they are often very sensitive to criticism with a high dose of inflated sense of self esteem.

Now,let's not be self centered, gaslighters are humans too and they may not even know they are strategic and manipulative in nature,such people lack self awareness and may just think he/she is expressing his/herself directly or prone to unflinching honesty...reason it is hard for them to get helped.

They could pick up this behaviour from past relationships, environment, peer groups and it could be hereditary.

A gaslighter is hard heartened and very stubborn. It takes so much energy and patience for them to seek help and only professionals could help these set of people,you the gaslighted will find it difficult to achieve this if they continue to buffer you from your own reality and only a professional could tell if you are being gaslighted or who the gaslighter was....They are good at putting people in a confused state.

Just imagine,someone going through all of these from one person...It is hard for such a person to find balance in life.It is hard to see from the outside who is being gaslighted.

They don't know they are being gaslighted and they get blamed for trying to seek help if the gaslighter gets to know he/she is talking to someone.

These set of people die silently and gradually.

Let's come back to the gaslighted.. I know it can be excruciatingly difficult to pull yourself out of a gaslighting power but it is possible and the first antidote to gaslighting is greater emotional awareness and self regulation.

Now,that you have realised you are being gaslighted, a shift in mindset and skills is needed.

Tell yourself you are in power struggle with your partner...not easy breaking loose from a gaslighter,it might be messy....many atimes, domestic violence sets in....you intelligently do this if you are not willing to leave the marriage(if you care about the society and you are ready to face it till death do you both part) but I wouldn't know why you wouldn't be willing to leave if you are still in a relationship with such a person.(This decision solely lies on you but be assured marriage don't change people,you get double if not more of what you get in your courtship be it positive or negative).

Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings.

Tell yourself it is OK to give something up.

Focus on the right decision and not your emotions.

Have compassion on yourself.

Then

Talk to a trusted person....a counselor preferably.

And lastly....I want you to know that you can't control anyone's opinion  even if you are right,so, you shouldn't give anyone the full fledged power to control your opinion.

You are enough,you are more than enough and you do not need the validation of anyone to prove you are more than enough.

Don't get blinded by 'no one is perfect',there are some imperfections you shouldn't tolerate.

You are married and you don't see any possibility of leaving the marriage, please talk to a counselor and I don't underestimate the power of PRAYER....If you believe in it and it has been working for you...Keep praying.

But whatever you are deciding on....Keep your LIFE.

And if after reading this,you are guilty of this act, please seek help.

Stop being a murderer.

A gaslighter?

The gaslighted?

SEEK HELP!